..of a peerless nincompoop

Swimming Classes

No man is perfect till he learns to swim. Especially if he doesn’t get time to play cricket or badminton or TT. So I decided to learn swimming. I got two friends for company. They wanted to lose a few pounds. I wanted to gain a few :).

Day 1
We were being taught to float. Wiki says you need some fat to float. I pretended that I haven’t read that. That’s a good way to avoid sinking. The trainer told us to hold our breath. We did. I thought I was floating until I touched the bottom of the pool :(. Those plumper ones had already started floating. Some more tips and the circus repeated. The day ended with everyone except me floating. who cares? I have 20 more classes to go.

Day 2
Its time to learn moving. Press against the wall, then shoot yourself and float. Everyone did, till their momentum ceased. I did too, till I reached the bottom of the pool. ๐Ÿ˜• I must be the first one to introduce touchdown in swimming.

Day 3
Its time to learn kicking. Float and kick so that you move forward. People started trying it, moving at varying pace. They kept moving forward until they could hold their breath. My turn came and I did it religiously. Took a deep breath, closed my eyes (the trainer says don’t close your eyes) and started kicking. I didn’t sink! I was sure that I have almost reached halfway by the time I lost my breath. I got up and to my surprise, found the trainer and others around me with bewildered looks. I hadn’t moved a bit. I just hovered around where I started ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

Day 4
The day started with a surprise. Till date, we stayed near the three feet deep end of the pool. On day 4, the trainer asked us to jump into the sixteen feet deep end of the pool. We had to somehow survive and reach the adjacent side where we could hold on to a pipe. It was fun to see people trying to swim, like cats being put into water. But I was still sceptical of the sixteen feet depth he said. I thought it would be less, until I jumped in with butterflies in my stomach and measured the depth :(. It was exactly sixteen feet deep :-?.

Day 5
Synchronizing your hand and feet movements with taking breath is the key to swimming. I forgot to kick when I tried paddling, and gulped down water. Next time, I made sure not to forget kicking. Kicking and paddling, but then I forgot to take breath and gulped down more water from the pool ๐Ÿ˜•

I still have 16 more days to learn swimming. The water level in the pool has come down by about a foot since I started learning. I drank the rest :-?. I would be surprised if the pool is not empty by the time I learn to swim. The circus continues..

Expert(?) says: The water in the swimming pool doesn’t taste good, especially at the deeper end.


May 2, 2006 - Posted by | On the lighter side


  1. This is one hell of a post man! laughed my ass off. Best of luck!

    Comment by bookseeker | May 2, 2006 | Reply

  2. rofl ๐Ÿ™‚
    (Lose a few pounds : You were talking about money ?)

    Comment by karram | May 3, 2006 | Reply

  3. @karram
    I want to gain a few pounds. Not lose ๐Ÿ™‚
    Its you who joined to lose some pounds(money?) ๐Ÿ˜€

    Comment by kv | May 3, 2006 | Reply

  4. Stumped post ๐Ÿ™‚
    BTW, Kiron, you dint mention about the chicks who share the pool with you ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Comment by Rat | May 8, 2006 | Reply

  5. Kiron, if you continue this you’ll definitely gain pounds..
    Only the pool will loose pounds..

    Comment by sand | May 8, 2006 | Reply

  6. @rat
    Chicks doesn’t share the pool with me :(. Their batch is from 7.45PM to 8.45PM. Mine is from 8.45PM to 9.45PM. So sad. And they hang around for 5-10 minutes after their class to take a peek at barely clad men :-?. I wish it was the other way round ๐Ÿ˜€

    Lakhsyam aanu pradhanam, margam alla. Now you know why I check my weight everyday ๐Ÿ˜€

    Comment by kv | May 8, 2006 | Reply

  7. Take all the precautionary measures if the pool is losing few pounds because of you.
    Why so ??
    Remember PPP (prof pool pee) :))

    Comment by amit | June 22, 2006 | Reply

  8. @amit
    ROFL =))

    Comment by kv | June 22, 2006 | Reply

  9. Hey,

    That was a very funny and interesting read…

    I wanted to know where you were learning to swim. I live near Bangalore Airport and have been unable to find any pools near the Airport. Plz guide me if you know of any…


    Comment by Sachin | September 10, 2007 | Reply

  10. @Sachin
    AFAIK, there are a few pools in Indira Nagar. But I went to Jayanagar swimming pool. I don’t have the details now. I left Bangalore last year. If I can find the details, I will post it here.

    Comment by kv | September 24, 2007 | Reply

  11. One of my friend had follow yours swimming lesson in the 1st week of september but a few days later he became a little bit fatter than before!

    Comment by aquabot | September 26, 2007 | Reply

  12. hi any swimming pools near indiranagar

    Comment by rocky | April 3, 2008 | Reply

  13. I want to know if there are any private swimming lessons in rajajinagar & malleshwaram area? I want one to one lesson for my son aged 6 yrs.

    Comment by Dr. Jyotsna | April 13, 2008 | Reply

  14. this one’s too good ๐Ÿ™‚ u should write more often

    Comment by sonia | May 7, 2008 | Reply

  15. Hey, could u tell me where is the swimming pool…have been looking for a pool near airpirt rd/ indira nagar for a long time now…

    Comment by Swati | May 26, 2008 | Reply

  16. too good!.. came across this when i was googling abt swimming pools\classes, also to kill the boredom am suffering from in office. now am not disappointed of not finding one..

    b\w..did u complete the class? how did the rest of the days go.

    Comment by Priya | June 3, 2008 | Reply

  17. Yei , i am staying in WhiteField. Anybody knows the Swimming pool nearby.

    Comment by Kather Basha G | June 12, 2008 | Reply

    • leftla poyi rightla turn pannenna..oru kammai varum..adhula kudhi da..

      Comment by musthafa | May 29, 2010 | Reply

  18. Awesome… gives me the ‘inspiration’ to give it a shot…. can you tell me where the swiming classes are which you enrolled in for..

    Comment by Rajiv | June 27, 2008 | Reply

  19. too good…please keep writing…. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Comment by waterflame | July 2, 2008 | Reply

  20. Hey !
    Lot many are unable to find a good swimming pool for learning near airport road.
    I am no exception.
    Can anyone tell me where to find near airport road..
    to learn form scratch..

    Comment by Anupama | August 4, 2008 | Reply

  21. is my id..

    Comment by Anupama | August 4, 2008 | Reply

  22. Hey all, I left Bangalore about 2 years ago. I don’t know where you can find a good swimming pool now. If I find something from my friends, I will post it here.

    Comment by kv | August 5, 2008 | Reply

  23. Hi,

    Can any one please help me in finding the swimming pool with a lady trainer.
    any where in the Bangalore is fine.

    Comment by triveni | December 29, 2008 | Reply

  24. Hey

    Loved your post. Among the few I really bothered to read completely.

    Comment by Reshma | February 26, 2009 | Reply

  25. Hey!

    Loved your post! Hope you did finally learn and gain the few *pounds*. Take care!


    Comment by Priyanka | March 4, 2009 | Reply

  26. Hi,

    I would like to learn swimming, but due to my sight problems im wearing contact lenses…please anyone suggest what is the alternative? I cannot remove my lenses at any time as my vision becomes blurr if i remove lenses…..I also tried goggles which are used for swimming. Will this help or swimming with lenses is not a problem….

    Comment by Shridhar J | April 9, 2009 | Reply

  27. to shridhar,

    when i was trying to swim (!!) in my grad school one of my buddy told he got a swimming goggles from a Canada site for less than $10 with corrected power. (which means it would just work fine)..

    i also have this crib..
    but I somehow manage without powered goggles..
    just that i dont know who swam with me ๐Ÿ˜›


    Comment by sastha | June 19, 2009 | Reply

  28. ๐Ÿ˜€ …. Kiron, man …. Do you really need to learn swimming? A guy as slim as you can slip between the drops of water ….:D


    Comment by Ashish | June 20, 2009 | Reply

  29. Had it been the boys batch followed by girls batch, the pool level would have certainly gone up.. Right guys ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Comment by Simha | August 3, 2009 | Reply

  30. This is so funny.

    Comment by Above Ground Pool Expert | February 24, 2010 | Reply

  31. i need reduce my weight .becoz of this iam feeling very bad .can i reduce my weight by swimming

    Comment by neelima | June 28, 2010 | Reply

  32. of course above ground pools are easier to maintain and to clean ‘.:

    Comment by UPVC Windows ยท | November 12, 2010 | Reply

  33. Simply wish to say your article is as astounding. The clearness in your post is just spectacular and i could assume you’re an expert on this subject. Fine with your permission allow me to grab your RSS feed to keep up to date with forthcoming post. Thanks a million and please carry on the enjoyable work.

    Comment by Banning | March 2, 2011 | Reply

  34. awesome post! can anyone suggest me some good swimming pools near Kalyan Nagar HRBR layout?

    Comment by Sankalp | May 20, 2014 | Reply

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